Everyone Focuses on Material Gift-Giving. Instead, Focus on Giving Gifts of Wisdom.

The week of Thanksgiving in the US through January 1 is my absolute favorite time of year.  I love how genuinely kind and concerned people are for one another during this season.  I also love the spirit of renewal and fresh beginnings that accompanies the turning of the calendar from one year to the next.

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What I don’t love about this time of year is the frenzied shopping that has led to Black Friday and Cyber Monday, which is now officially a thing.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind the discounts.  But this idea that we’ve gotta spend heftily to enjoy the holiday is as disconcerting as it is deep-rooted.

I’ll admit, I remember as a small child the absolute joy I experienced on Christmas morning when I got to the living room to discover a green stuffed dog larger than me one year, or an abundance of wrapped gifts overflowing from the tree another.  I know it must have made my parents even happier than it made me to see that joy on my face.

Mine was a working class family.  We had abundant years, but we also had lean years.  The lean years are the ones I remember most, not for the lack of presents, but for the disappointment my parents experienced not being able to “make it rain.”  The thing is, I didn’t need the presents.  I was just so happy to be together on Christmas morning in that spirit of love and gratitude that was unavoidable that time of year.  That’s what I truly cherished.

A lot of us love the spirit of gift-giving and save all year so that they can celebrate the holidays the way they’d like.  I applaud that.  Seriously.  However, some of us go into debt to celebrate one day of the year.  If you resemble that remark, this message might be for you.

We sometimes get so caught up in a desire to show our love by showering each other with gifts.  Here are some important questions we might consider:

• Think for a moment about your most meaningful holiday experiences.  What are they?
• Think about the past two holiday seasons.  How did you feel at the start of the new year.  Were you at peace?  Were you stressed?
• What patterns might you be repeating from your family of origin?  From your partner’s family of origin?  What wrongs might you be trying to right?
• What is your intention for the holiday season?  How do you want your people to feel?  How do you want to feel?  What do you want to communicate?  Celebrate?  What’s the best way to do that?

If you answer those questions for yourself and determine that you need to make a shift, your strategies moving forward might be very clear.  Here are a couple additional strategies you might consider to keep the season in perspective:

• One year I wrote a poem providing an update on my life, printed it on a card and mailed it to everyone I love;
• One year I gave everyone in my life a copy of Secrets of a Millionaire Mind to help them think differently about their financial health;
• Every year, the adults and teens in my family do a Secret Santa drawing at Thanksgiving for a Christmas gift exchange.  That way everyone can focus their discretionary funds on buying gifts for their young children.

I like the idea of focusing on quality and significance over quantity and grandeur.  Books are not the sexiest gift for the holidays, but they have the potential to have a large impact on quality of life, especially as compared with the latest electronics or fashion trend.  Below are three books that have had an impact on my mindset, and by extension, on my quality of life:

• The Power of Now – Participating in the Landmark Forum was a turning point in my life.  I got to see the relationship between my decisions and my results in life.  The Power of Now is like that full weekend workshop captured between two covers of a book.  No wonder it’s sold over 2 million copies.  My dad has read his copy multiple times!
• The Compound Effect – My dad gave me this book.  My sister introduced it to him.  In a different way, The Compound Effect reveals how the decisions we make day after day turn into the habits that produce our results in life.  For a while, I used to punctuate all of my conversations with my boyfriend with “The Compound Effect”.  Fun times!
• Soar With Your Strengths – Soar With Your Strengths is a quick easy ready by the creator of the CliftonStrengths assessment.  The book reveals the wisdom of focusing on your strengths rather than keying in on weakness and trying to be something you’re not.  It’s such common sense, but so counter-intuitive.

However you decide to celebrate the season, I hope you enjoy a time filled with love and gratitude.  Also, it would make my day to hear some of your most meaningful holiday experiences.